Jonghyun’s close friend Nine9 has shared the late SHINee singer’s ‘final letter’ following his death.
Jonghyun, real name Kim Jong-hyun, took his own life at the age of 27 on Monday 18 December.
Police have ruled the K-pop idol’s death a suicide and have confirmed they will not be performing an autopsy.
As Jonghun’s three day funeral begins, Dear Cloud singer Nine9 has revealed her friend ‘entrusted her’ with a letter after sharing ‘dark and deep thoughts’ with her.
She wrote on Instagram: ‘I just came back from saying a final goodbye to Jonghyun.
A post shared by 9 (@run_withthewolf) on
‘Even as I look at him smiling in his funeral portrait, I still feel like Jonghyun is going to come back and smile, as if all of this was just a dream.
‘Recently, Jonghyun did talk to me about some dark and deep thoughts. It seemed like everyday must have been really difficult.
‘I started to get an uneasy feeling, so I told his family and tried my best to hold on to his mind, but in the end, I only delayed the timing, I could not stop it.
‘It’s still so hard for me to believe that he isn’t here in the world, and it’s so painful. Even now, it makes me scared because I’m not sure if posting this is right, but
Jonghyun personally requested that if he ever disappeared from this world that I would personally post this no matter what.
‘I had hoped that this day would never come…after discussing it with his family and according to his last wish, I’m posting his final message.’
Nine9 – whose lyrics to the song Beside You Jonghyun shared in his final Instagram post – continued: ‘I think there’s definitely a reason why he entrusted it to me. I’m also worried that it will start a controversy. However, I decided this because I think that even still, Jonghyun anticipated that and asked me. And this is the last thing I can do for him.
‘At least now I hope that people will know that Jonghyun was not the only one.
‘And that he did well…that he did really well…please tell him that you’re thankful that he endured it well.
‘Beautiful Jonghyun, I really love you. I will continue to love you a lot as time goes on. I hope and pray that in that place, you won’t be in pain and that you’ll be in peace… This is Jonghyun’s final letter.’
In the letter, Jonghyun wrote about the depression he suffered from ‘that slowly gnawed away at me’ and ‘eventually devoured me’.
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He said that he wanted to escape, and wrote: ‘You asked why I live. Just because. Just because. Everyone just lives just because.
‘If you ask why people die, they would probably say it’s because they’re exhausted.
‘I suffered and agonized about it. I never learned how to turn this pain into happiness.’
Jonghyun also said that he ‘was not meant to lead a life in the public eye’, saying: ‘Why did I make those decisions. It’s ridiculous. It’s great that I even made it this far.’
In the end of the letter, he asks people not to blame him for his decision.
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